jayhat

Archive for September, 2010|Monthly archive page

On puppetry.

In What people are, Writing on September 30, 2010 at 7:56 pm

I don’t know anything about puppetry. I imagine, though, that the craft is measured by the master’s ability to convince his audience that his puppets are real—that they are characters in a story or actors in a play, that they are sentient, capable of their own being, self-aware, and as in tune with their own destiny as you or I. I imagine that the craft is measured by the master’s ability to convince his audience that he doesn’t exist.

Or at least allow them to forget, if only for a moment.

How bizarre.

…however, defining “it” might be troublesome…

In Ancillarious, What people are on September 27, 2010 at 7:57 pm

It wasn’t about love or affection or caring or respect—it was about sanity. It was about knowing what was going on, in his life, in her life, in life in general. About knowing what to expect—or rather, knowing what not to expect. Or rather, ruling out possibilities. Or rather, shifting things from grey to maybe or mayhaps. It was about being able to organize thought, to plan ahead—if only by a half-step, and not even knowing for certain if it was forward or backward—about trying to make the best choice in the now, in what is said, in what is done, in what is had. Ambivalence isn’t apathy, isn’t indecision, isn’t agnosticism, not atheism. Ambivalence is active, it’s caring about not caring.

On form

In English, nature, Writing on September 23, 2010 at 7:13 pm

I used to baffle myself thinking about artists who seemed unconcerned with form. Or rather, when I saw something that should have otherwise been a decent piece of art, I wondered why authors and painters and musicians and sculptors chose to degrade their creations by stepping out of character or—short of that—why they failed to recognize these certain things. I wondered how they could be so arrogant or blind or distasteful or ignorant. It was infuriating, really, to see such potential squandered because someone didn’t have the right eye or—short of that—someone didn’t have the right person advising them or—short of that—someone didn’t the wherewithal to recognize a good piece of advice.

Many who I quarreled this point with argued that the beauty of these works were in their imperfections, that beauty—in its nature, they argued—is only obvious because it’s so rare.

I saw such points as cop outs.

There’s so many imperfect things already, why give us one more.

* * * *

I realize now that form doesn’t exist in nature—it’s a construct and to deconstruct a construct it is to thrust oneself forth into a gaping paradoxical abyss.

I realize now that art, in its purest form, has no form because it has no nature except to be that—of nature, and nature is a formless, directionless, irrational beast. To control her, to understand her, to predict her—fruitless. To even try is as ignorant as it is stupid.

That’s the truth.

Why Rudd is scared of commitment

In novelish on September 22, 2010 at 9:09 pm

To Rudd, far worse than any potential outcome of the conversation was the keen awareness of how much the necessity of initiating the dialogue required him to talk like a chick.

“Look,” he said, “We need to talk.”

She laughed in his face, which was exactly the point. “About what?” she huffed through heaves.

“About us,” he said, which didn’t make her stop giggling.

“Well fuck me,” she said. “Here I was, thinking you had no feelings.”

“If this is going to work, there needs to be some bare-ass minimal lines we each need to cross.”

“ ‘We,’” she said, pausing. “ ‘We’ is an excellent argumentative device to make me feel like I should give a shit.”

“You don’t?” he said.

She thought for a moment, still giggling. “I suppose I do,” she said. “But not as much as you.”

“Yeah,” Rudd said. “That’s basically the problem.”

Why details are overrated.

In Memory, Post Script, Writing on September 21, 2010 at 5:29 pm

The past is prologue and winners write the history books, but they always seem to leave out details.

My thoughts: This is because, frankly, details are only useful if they’re a means to a bigger picture.

No one remembers details—history is a series of big pictures connected by hunches, accusations, and assumptions. How things happened is always a summary, and the colors, tones, and blushes are only mentioned when the result would otherwise be misunderstood.

So, these details, then, cease to be details because they become a part of the plot—like props.

People’s lives aren’t defined by details.

People’s lives are defined by the big pictures.

Yet, we spend so much time focusing on details.

How odd.

A bit about Rudd

In Ancillarious, novelish, physics-nature-etc., What people are on September 20, 2010 at 9:30 pm

There were a number of times, in particular, when Rudd seriously considered killing himself.

Most recently, he stood 65 floors above the empty sidewalk, looking out over a balcony that’s railing eyed, flirted, teased, seduced him. He wasn’t depressed or angry or even annoyed. He wasn’t worried or tense or stressed or numb. Moreover, he was curious what it would be like to fall, to let go, to be bound only by gravity, and to know that, for once, one’s fate is truly, utterly, determined.

Perhaps, then, in this sense, the act of jumping to his death was less about the end as it was about the means. Strictly speaking, he wasn’t considering killing himself as much as he was considering the act of jumping.

Or falling.

That it would end with a splatter was ancillary.

He wasn’t scared, and that’s what made him—on a wholly different level, a far more self-aware, less-instinctual level—a bit nervous. His brain, fighting instinct against instinct grew tired, and the prospect of jumping became less interesting and more terrifying, if only slightly so. He decided that the best thing to do might be to go back inside.

He wondered how people could survive living so high above the ground, always tempted by the sense that destiny was just a lift and a kick away.

More on Gray Matter

In nature, What people are on September 16, 2010 at 8:23 pm

In the theme of grays, if there’s a line between what we deem to be sane and insane, it is both thin and blurry and—more often than not—a product of whether or not we deem action or person to be productive or counter-productive.

A counter-product, inhibition, threat, or malcontent that hears voices in his head has a severe psychological disorder, often forcibly treated with medicine. A product, story, artist that hears voices in his head is creative or inspired.

Sympathy, we believe, is intimately appreciating others’ thoughts, feelings, emotions—a sure sign of sanity. But we sympathize through inner-dialogue, questioning how we might react if in others’ shoes. This inner dialogue, no doubt, is only voices in our head.

And furthermore, sympathy is not conditional to the other—it’s only based on our own personal experience. So, if sympathy involves unadulterated understanding, it’s surely impossible unto itself, since no two people ever experience the exact same set of conditions.

So, in that sense, someone who truly believes himself to be sympathetic must lack a level of rationality that allows him to appreciate his life is different from all others’—therefore, someone who believes himself to truly be sympathetic in this sense is out of touch with reality, quite literally insane.

Selfishness, we believe, is a social disorder, not sharing toys, pushing other people around because they just so happen to be in the way. But selfishness is nothing but the expression of doing what’s best for oneself—surely an instinct in the spirit of the strongest will survive. If we do something that’s perceived as selfless—or, at very least, not selfish—we do it because we view it as ultimately good for us, because we want our progeny to live in a better world where their opportunities to better our genes are better than our chances were.

Or, more simply, we do good because it feels good.

So, truly, someone who acts selflessly in the face of good or survival is essentially going against what it must truly mean to exist.

And what is that, if it is not insanity?

…and I feel like I’ve mentioned all of this before…

CHAPTER TITLE — “Number 16″

In Ancillarious, Kilgore Trout, novelish, What people are on September 15, 2010 at 6:32 pm

Shortly before everything went up in a ball of fiery molten hell, a poll was conducted by the Census and Statistics Authority that, ostensibly, was intended to find out how the government might better spend intranational defense funds.

At least insofar as the public eye was concerned.

In a poll distributed to nearly 3,500 consenting adults, auditors asked a number of preliminary questions ranging from socioeconomic status to education to knowledge of current events.

They even asked what brand of bud they wore.

Then, they were given a list of fifteen potential ways that the world might end. Number 16 was “Other.” Below that was the question “How?” and a few blank lines for free response, at the bottom of which was a small line of text reading “If more space is required for response, please write on another sheet and attach.”

Respondents were then asked to rank the cataclysms in terms of perceived likelihood.

The results of the poll and the implications therein were disputed within media for weeks. Many respondents failed to rank “Other,” while others ranked “other” without giving explanation of what “other” might be. Others misunderstood the intent of the “How?” and wrote, instead, explanations of why they ranked such and such wherever or discussed what they were thinking about or feeling or, simply, “Because.”

Many people in media pointed to the vagueness of the poll, discussing it as just another failure of a malarkey administration, another failure of a corrupt government entity, an indication of a broader public ignorance or a general disregard for testing in the schools, another reason the CSA is unreliable, etc.

The results became a punchline. Extra terrestrial alien invasion was third. God was fifth.

Incidentally, media called the poll “The End Day Survey.” Its actual name: “Public Poll A039281-29: Requested By The Department Of Defense At The Urging Of The Secretary Of Intranational Defense.”

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