A blog that defends Nic Cage as the greatest actor of our generation
Archive for August, 2009|Monthly archive page
What Humor Is
In Dreams, Humor, Imagination on August 25, 2009 at 11:09 amDreams and imagination are a bit like comedy.
A good joke is one where the punch line is unexpected. If the audience knows what’s coming—if the punch is anticipated—it’s not going to be funny. If the punch is wholly nonsensical—get a few laughs as it might for the absurdity—it’s still not a good joke, as the creative construct of the joke itself was not the reason for the laughs.
So really, a good joke is one that is told to an end that the audience did not see coming, but when they think about it later, they realize they could have.
* * * *
Oh, and one more thing about that:
Humor is firm, but once it breaks, it’s practically irreparable.
Which is to say,
When someone loses the ability to make you laugh, they aren’t likely to get it back.
* * * *
In summation:
Humor is a product of awareness.
From the files of Kilgore Trout
In Kilgore Trout on August 19, 2009 at 12:05 amThe tiny island nation of K’wang-Kwat has perfected democracy.
Every five years there is an open election for president. As not voting is a felony punishable by death, at each election, 100% of the nation’s of-age voters come out to the polls. The night prior, however, an independent counsel–made up of foreign dignitaries with personal interests only in the fact of the succession of the island’s presidency–goes from home-to-home administering a treatment made from the extract of k’wangleberry–the island’s most important and prevalent export. In high enough doses, such as those administered by the independent counsel, k’wangleberry has amnestic qualities, brainwashing the entire voting population into forgetting everything irrelevant to their personal well-being. For just long enough: They forget about human interest pieces, the botched publicity stunts, the back stories, and the gaffs. They forget about daily polls, the appeal of horse races, red herrings, and media bias. They forget about who their friends and family members are voting for. They forget who their co-workers are voting for. They forget who their boss is voting for. They forget about the issues that are brought up simply to get people angry. They forget about all the issues that are brought up simply to get people jaded. In short, they forget about everything that doesn’t have any direct effect on the quality of their individual lives. At the time that they vote, all they know is what they want out of life and that they should vote for whichever candidate they believe gives them the best shot at achieving this.
When the votes are tallied, the person with the most wins. There are no run-offs.
When a winner is selected, all of those who voted for other candidates—along with the candidates themselves—are promptly executed. This, of course, is something that would likely alter voting patterns if it was not brainwashed out of them as a result of the treatment administered by the independent counsel the night before.
Sinners in the eyes of others
In What people are on August 16, 2009 at 11:48 pmPeople are generally good.
Really.
They are.
They mean well, and–so long as it doesn’t indebt them somehow–they will do well.
However, things get complicated, because quantifying debt is a fickle little game. In fact, in order to further this discussion, we need to point out a seeming paradox to the previous graph’s assertion: A simple, undeniable fact is that every single action an individual takes is done under the pretense that it will improve his or her life.
Starting broadly, if someone steals, he or she does so out of some desire–be it material or chemical, monetary or adrenal. Less broad: If someone talks, he or she feels that something unsaid should be spoken, and–further–that he or she should be the one to speak it. One would not speak if the consequences of not doing so outweigh the weight of the words.
–Consider here how the fifth amendment abolishes a catch-22 wherein someone would have to either face the consequences of speaking or face the consequences of remaining silent–
Even less broad: Partaking in religion is a means to comfort, whether it be sating insatiable questions eschewing tough decision.
Even charity. People do charity because of how it makes them feel and/or because of the expectation of reciprocity, not because altruism is instinctual.
It’s not.
Which brings me full circle: People are generally good and generally do good things because, in general, these little favors make people feel better about themselves–in fact raising their overall value.
Every action is an end to a more valuable self in some way, and no single action by any single individual is any more self-righteous or selfish than you, yourself, are capable of–and, quite likely, often surpass.
Evil does not exist. People simply want different things and, because of their environment and temperament–or perhaps more proper, predisposition–have different moral compasses.
Because of this, we need to be careful about how we judge others whose actions we don’t approve of. We, in fact, are sinners in the eyes of others, others we probably won’t agree with but who have as much right to judge us as we, them.
Cryptomnesia…
In Memory on August 14, 2009 at 12:08 am…is the name for that thing you have when you accidentally plagiarize someone–because you forget that he or she ever wrote it in the first place.
Apparently it happened to Paul McCartney every once in a while.
Me, I’ve been struggling with this or, perhaps more properly, a form of this–or an inversion. There’s this aspect of a story I’d love to write into one of my own–except for the fact that I’m fairly certain–no, remarkably certain–that I read it somewhere.
I have memories of dreams, I have memories of actions. I have memories of reading, I have memories of what reading made me dream about.
Each of the described memories is of an identifiably different sort. Though the most vivid memories of dreams seem like they might be foggy memories of actions, the most vivid memories of actions aren’t likely–at least in my current condition–to ever be confused with dreams.
–Although, one could make a convincing argument that I’m wholly unqualified to make that claim–
It should follow, then, that the vivid memories I have of reading are quite alike those I have of actions, and those I have of what reading made me dream about, quite alike those of dreams when I sleep.
And it should go without saying that–while all these things often confuse themselves with one another–each is quite different from thoughts I believe to originate within myself.
–Which, again, one could–perhaps should, in this instance–argue I cannot possibly say–
Anyways, I’m fairly certain this isn’t my idea–whatever that really means–which means that I read it in someone else’s story, but I have no memory of reading the story–nor of any story that happens around this particular aspect of it.
Which is particularly jarring because–as this aspect clearly stuck with me–I must have found it interesting when I read it, which means I should have–somewhere within my mind–marked it down as something, written by someone, to remember.
One of these days I’ll write out the aspect in detail, even if unliterary, just so I can show it to people who might have some clue whether or not it’s something I dreamed or thought or imagined rather than read or heard or saw.
Either way, it should be out there, and if it isn’t, it will be.
Rejected Blog Theme #3
In Rejected Blog Themes on August 13, 2009 at 8:14 amA blog about erroneous claims in this blog
What mushrooms are like
In Food on August 12, 2009 at 10:45 pmA chicken is like a duck. A duck is like goose. They all go back to fishies.
A cow is like a pig. A pig is like a lamb. They all go back to fishies.
A plum is like a cherry. A cherry is like a grape. They all go back to ferns.
A cucumber is like a zucchini. A zucchini is like a gourd. They all go back to ferns.
A mushroom is like a toadstool. A toadstool is like a truffle. They all go back to athlete’s foot.
Rejected Blog Theme #2
In Rejected Blog Themes, Sports on August 12, 2009 at 10:06 amA blog extolling the usefulness of recording saves in baseball, as well as lauding those who themselves specialize in such endeavors.
What, no schwa?
In English, Language on August 11, 2009 at 8:58 amIt’s interesting to me that in the English language we have all sorts of sounds that our letters shouldn’t naturally make. We take words from other cultures–if cultures exist–and integrate them into our own without respect for whether or not these words are pronounceable given our previous set of sounds. And, rather than integrating new letters to represent these new sounds, instead we appraise our established set of letters and decide which one is closest.
Most people don’t write, yet, we refuse to change our written language because we imagine words to be something stagnant, constant, quantifiable. We imagine that we can put a o- next to a u- next to a g- next to an -h and we can learn to pronounce it the same way we always have, independent of the fact that we never have, that we pronounce things differently, all the time, over space.
Even more interesting to me: We generally ignore sounds we’ve used since the language first diverged from German.
And not just sounds we use every once in a while. I’m not talking about eñes or umlauts.
Get this: The schwa is the most common vowel in the English language.
Languages are the cornerstones of cultures–if they exist. How a given people interact with their given language tells you much about who they are, as a people.
So, what I’m saying is, extrapolate.
Extrapolate, people.
Rejected Blog Theme #1
In Rejected Blog Themes on August 10, 2009 at 6:45 pmA blog about writing a blog
